


It Always Ends in Tears

by nosecrinkle



Series: Kylux Twitter Fics [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, BDSM, Dominant Armitage Hux, M/M, Submissive Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-12 14:17:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21477739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nosecrinkle/pseuds/nosecrinkle
Summary: Kylo is not prepared for Hux's brand of submission.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Kylux Twitter Fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1286555
Comments: 8
Kudos: 103





	It Always Ends in Tears

Hux got into BDSM in his early twenties. Hux is anxious, always has been. Always afraid of not being good enough, of falling short. All his life, he's fought tooth and nail to prove himself. He's thrown his all into his career, never making time for personal relationships. BDSM is the only thing that makes Hux feel settled. In control. People fall all over themselves, wanting to submit to him, follow his every word. People readily accept punishment when they fall short – encourage it – and even thank him afterwards. When Hux is with a sub, nothing else matters. His father's disapproval, always being skipped over during promotions, being hounded relentlessly for being Brendol's kid; none of that matters. Hux is in control. Hux has the power. Hux is untouchable.

People in the scene know him. It's been years since he's had to seek out subs; these days, the subs come to him. They know what they're in for, they know what he expects. Hux sets the rules and they follow them. Hux knows their names, their faces – he remembers all of them. Hux is not in it for the connections. If anyone fails to meet his expectations, the scene ends. No second chances. His time is precious and he knows what he wants. It's not always sex, but total submission is a must. He knows his worth, and refuses to waste it on the undeserving.

A particularly good scene can get him through weeks of bullshit at the office. Knowing his time is in such high demand has done wonders for his self esteem.

However, it still hurts when people he himself has trained, suddenly get promoted and start barking orders at him. Brendol's psychological warfare comes and goes, but it never ceases completely. During hard times, Hux makes sure to set time aside to go to his favourite club, or revisit former subs. Hux prides himself on always being one step ahead.

When Hux first came on to the scene, he had anger issues. He never turned violent, but it was close. For a while he feared he wouldn't be able to do it; wouldn't be able to work past the desire to hurt people the way he himself had been hurt. But he kept at it, worked through it. With time, the desire for violence left him.

First and foremost, Hux is a goddamn professional. He never takes his shitty life out on his subs. He always treats them with care and respect, but keeps them at arm's length. It's the best course of action for everyone involved.

Hux is a lonely man, and spends a lot of time at the club. The owners know him and always make sure he's left alone; it's a private club, but there's constantly new people passing through. Hux has always enjoyed watching, and often indulges himself – but never engages. Hux is considered a tad intense by most people, but is deemed safe and trusted by the community at large.

  
  


Enter: Kylo ren.

  
  


Kylo got tired of his old club and recently switched to Hux's. He's plenty experienced, and is already taking part in play at the club. Kylo prefers being in a relationship, but is single at the moment, so he's experiementing a little; having fun. Kylo is hard to miss, so of course Hux has noticed him. Hux likes his subs in all sizes, but there's something special about a man of Kylo's stature submitting.

Hux is always given a wide berth, so he's hard to miss as well. Kylo is instantly curious about the man in the suit. Most people wear something sexy to the club, something revealing or form fitting – not that Hux doesn't look fantastic in his suit, but it's not typical dungeon attire.

  
  


Oblivious to the local customs, Kylo approaches Hux's table, sits in the chair beside him.

"Hi," he smiles.

"Hello," Hux replies, brow quirked in amusement.

"I hope you don't mind," Kylo says. "You looked lonely over here, all by yourself."

Hux considers him over the rim of his glass. One of the dungeon monitors is flailing behind Kylo's back, clearly very apologetic. "I don't mind," he says, surprising both himself and the monitor. Whether it's down to having a good day at work, or Kylo's latex trousers, Hux isn't quite sure. He's not usually into latex, but they're doing wonders for Kylo's very shapely legs.

"So," Kylo grins, "Question: are you available, what are you into, and how can I be involved?"

"Quite a dangerous question to ask in a place like this, wouldn't you agree?" Hux counters, brow quirked.

Kylo pouts a little, "You're not into knives, are you? Blood play?"

"I could be."

"Noooo, please don't say that! I can't get into that," Kylo whines.

Hux lets him stew for a few long moments, but eventually says, "I'm not," adds casually, "and I am available, so to speak."

Kylo perks up instantly, sits up so fast his trousers squeak. "Yeah? What are you into?" he tries to go for sultry, but falls a little short in his excitement.

"Many things."

Kylo pouts and nudges Hux's leg with his foot. ”Tease.”

"Behave," Hux bites. It's a knee jerk reaction and he already has an apology on the tip of his tongue – but then Kylo says, "Oh." It comes out shuddery, and his lids droop a little. "You're a daddy."

"Dom."

"Daddy dom."

"No. Just dom."

"Oh," Kylo says again, a little breathless. He gives Hux a once over, swallows, adds, "That makes sense. you look ... You look the part."

Control is important. Hux always plans scenes in advance; knows when they will take place. Kylo having such a visceral reaction to his outburst is equal parts thrilling and unsettling. Hux is not in the right headspace.

"Please, enlighten me, what does a dom look like?"

"Like you could put me in my place," Kylo says dreamily.

Hux considers him for a beat, "I could."

Kylo sucks on his lip, releases it with a pop, "And spank me? Please tell me you spank people."

"Don't be silly," Hux huffs, "I only spank my subs – if they derserve it, that is."

Kylo groans and rubs his thighs together. Hux can't see it, but he can hear the latex.

"I think I deserve it."

"Why? Have you been a bad boy...?"

"Kylo."

Hux wrinkles his nose. What a silly name.

"Well," he clears his throat, "you should work on that, no one likes a bad boy." Hux grabs his glass and gets up from the table.

"Where are you going?" Kylo asks, slightly panicked.

Hux checks his watch, "I have places to be."

(He doesn't.)

"But!"

"See you around, Kylo," he says, and heads out.

"Wait! You didn't tell me your name!"

"_Sir_ will suffice."

  
  


Hux is barely out the door before he clutches the nearest wall, needing it for support. He had zero control of the situation and it's set his teeth on edge.

Had Kylo not been a stranger, it would've been alright, but he's more rattled than he'd like to admit. Hux needs to ground himself.

He decides to stay away from the club for a while; wants to avoid a repeat performance.

He has a handful of play dates lined up already, so he doesn't really need the club right now, as much as he likes to be there.

  
  


Kylo is a little heartbroken. Hux isn't at the club, no matter what time Kylo shows up.

He decides to asks around. Without a name, he fears no one will know who he is talking about, but it turns out, everyone knows the redhead in the suit.

The more he hears about Hux, the more certain he is that Hux is the perfect partner for him. He's a little disheartened when he learns that Hux doesn't have one sub at a time, but keeps switching. That's ok though, once he gets to know Kylo, he won't have to do that anymore.

Kylo strikes gold on his quest to find Hux. While asking around, he coincidentally comes across one of Hux's former subs. The guy tells him what being with Hux was like. It doesn't sound like he had the best time, but it was down to having different preferences; Hux was still an incredible partner. When he's done salivating, Kylo manages to convince the guy to share Hux's phone number.

The guy tells him to send a text; that's what Hux prefers, but Kylo happens to prefer calling, so that's what he does.

To put it mildly, Hux does not appreciate it. Kylo doesn't have to explain who he is, Hux knows, the moment he says his name (Hux remembers him!). It goes downhill from there.

Hux never raises his voice, but he doesn't have to; Kylo feels scolded anyway. Kylo is bad at apologising, but he does his best. He manages to sound pitiful enough for Hux to forgive him. It's a bit of a blur from there, but Hux agrees to give Kylo a chance. He offers a time and a date (which clashes horribly with Kylo's work schedule), and Kylo accepts right away (he'll call in sick if he has to).

  
  


The address he's given confuses him. Standing outside, looking up – it's an apartment building. Kylo was told Hux was a private man, but this looks like his home.

Hux told him to dress comfortably, which he did, but he's starting to regret going for his comfy jeans. They used to be black, and they're worn through in the knees and the back. Kylo feels catastrophically underdressed. At least they're clean.

There's a doorman in the lobby. He waves him through to the elevators, and Kylo finds the apartment easy enough.

Once Kylo is inside, Hux doesn't say much. He tells Kylo to remove his belongings; his t-shirt, shoes and socks. After, he's led to Hux's home office, where he's made to kneel beside the desk.

Kylo is nearly vibrating out of his skin, excited beyond words.

But nothing happens.

Hux works on his computer, while Kylo kneels beside him.

And nothing fucking happens.

Hux works in silence. There's no radio or music or TV. Just silence.

Kylo has lost his sense of time, but what he guesses to be an hour later, Hux finally gets up. Kylo can barely contain his excitement. Hux pats him on the head, and asks him to crawl to the living room. Kylo happily complies. Hux grabs a book off the side table, sits on the sofa, and begins to read. Again, Kylo is kneeling beside him; closer this time.

Nothing happens.

It could be an hour, it could be two. Hux sits in silence, reads his book, while Kylo kneels on the floor, doing fuck all. His legs have been numb for a while; it's gonna hurt like hell when he stands up – if he can stand at all.

Hux is right there. He could touch him, if he wanted. Put his head on his knee. Touch his shin.

Kylo doesn't dare.

He hasn't exactly been still the whole time. He has a lot of excess energy and tends to fidget. Hux hasn't told him off, though.

Why hasn't he?

Kylo zones out, drifts a little. He startles when Hux closes his book. It's a paperback. The sound is soft and not loud at all, but the room is so quiet. He looks up at Hux, who is looking right back.

"You've done so well," he says softly, and brushes a lock of hair behind Kylo's ear.

"What?"

"Do you think you can stand?" Hux asks and helps him to his feet. The pins and needles are awful, but Kylo is more concerned with what Hux is implying.

"We're done?"

"Yes. I had a lovely time, Kylo. Thank you."

"But ... we didn't do anthing?"

"Oh, but you did."

  
  


Somehow, Kylo makes it home; with his shoes untied and his shirt on inside out.

What the fuck just happened?

It's not even dinner time, but Kylo is exhausted. He strips, crawls into bed, and sleeps a solid twelve hours. Inexplicably, he sleeps better than he's slept in years.

It was a test. It's the only explanation that makes sense. Kylo was pushy and Hux did what he did so Kylo could prove that he was serious. That has to be it.

He calls Hux again, sets up a new date (he thought he'd have to fight harder to convince Hux to give him a second go).

  
  


He goes to Hux's place, ready for whatever Hux will throw at him. He's gonna do so well, and Hux is gonna see that they were meant to be.

They do exactly the same.

First the office, then the living room. Hux tells him he did well, and sends him off with a pat on the head.

  
  


Kylo keeps asking for do overs. They set up new dates, and they do the whole thing one more time.

It's exactly the same every. Single. Time. The only thing that changes is the fucking book Hux is reading.

Kylo is losing his mind. All he does is sit. Kylo can't take it anymore. This must be the fifth time they're doing this, and Kylo can't anymore. They're in the living room, have been for a while, and Kylo just can't.

He sniffles, lowers his head more than it already is. He's about to cry in front of Hux, but he can't stop.

"Kylo?" Hux asks gently.

"I don't understand," he sobs quietly.

Hux puts his book down and leans forward. "What don't you understand, darling?"

Kylo gestures vaguely and wipes his eyes; angry that he's crying. Hux touches his hair and Kylo wants to die; slip right through the floor.

Kylo tips backwards, out of Hux's reach; sits on his ass instead of his knees. "Why are you doing this? I'm sorry, ok? Whatever I did, I'm sorry."

Hux frowns. "Why are you apologising?"

"You're punishing me. This is a punishment, clearly I did something wrong!"

Hux considers him silently for an extended moment. Kylo's eyes go wide, when Hux gets down on the floor with him.

"Kylo. I will never punish you without your consent. Do you understand?"

Kylo hides his face in his arms and shakes his head. he doesn't understand at all. Hux puts a hand on Kylo's shin, warns him before doing it, and speaks softly,

"I like being in control. When I ask you to do something and you do it, it makes me feel good. That's all this is. I thought you knew."

"How the fuck would I know that?" Kylo sniffles.

Hux hestitates briefly, before he gets his words in order. "You told me you've spoken to people at the club. They know me; know what I'm into. You're curious, so I assumed you'd asked them about it."

Kylo should've asked. He wanted to; he doesn't know why he didn't.

"You didn't say anything. And you keep coming back, so I thought you like what we do. I should've asked anyway, that's my mistake," Hux says softly.

Kylo rubs his eyes, peeks out through his hair. "So you're not mad at me?"

"No, sweetheart. How could I? You're such a good boy."

Kylo preens and blushes. It's not often he's told he did good.

"I think that's enough for today," Hux says and helps Kylo to his feet. "Are your legs alright? Your knees?"

"I'm fine," Kylo replies and holds on to Hux's hands. Hux eyes him a bit, but doesn't scold him.

Hux gets him to drink some water and makes sure his clothes are on the right way round, before he lets Kylo out of the apartment. He even gets to sit in Hux's kitchen for a little bit.

  
  


Hux still isn't very talkative, but Kylo will take what he can get. Kylo still doesn't get what Hux is about, so he seeks out more of his subs. None of them are too keen on spilling the details about their encounters, but one thing they all say is this: Hux never takes his clothes off, and only a few of them have had sex with him.

Kylo would very much like to have sex with Hux, so that sucks. He's also warned that Hux isn't fond of being touched, and that touching him without permission is downright dangerous.

It ruins a lot of Kylo's fantasies, but he just has to make a few small adjustments. It's fine.

  
  


The next time Kylo goes to see him, he starts off by saying, "I want more."

Hux looks thoroughly unimpressed, but agrees to hear him out.

Kylo manages to talk Hux into letting him rest his head on his knee, instead of sitting all alone, a few feet away. Kylo is much happier with the new arrangement, but unfortunately, it makes him even more fidgety. He keeps switching between resting his cheek, chin, and forhead on Hux's knee. Hux doesn't say anything, but there's no doubt in his mind: he's getting yelled at later.

When Hux is done reading, he puts his book away like he usually does, but he doesn't ask Kylo to get up; doesn't tell him he did good.

"You're shaking," he says quietly, and runs a hand through Kylo's hair.

"'M sorry," Kylo mutters.

"Why's that?"

"'Cause I can't sit still."

Hux hums, "You're an energetic boy. I think you're doing very well, all things considered. You haven't done this before, have you?"

Kylo shakes his head and fights the urge to crawl into Hux's lap. He probably wouldn't fit anyway; always too big for everything.

"You don't like being told what to do, do you?"

It feels like a trick question, so Kylo doesn't answer right away. He presses his face harder into Hux's thigh and waits as long as possible before saying no.

"And yet you're being so good for me. I'm proud of you, my darling."

Welp, Kylo is crying. Again.

"Oh, sweetheart," Hux coos. "Were you worried you'd upset me?" Hux parts his legs and Kylo shuffles in between them, puts his arms around Hux's middle, and buries his face in his tummy, no doubt getting snot all over his nice shirt.

Hux waits him out, pets his hair till the worst of it has passed. It doesn't feel good to just lose his shit like that, crying to the point of giving himself the hiccups, in front of Hux (even though he smells fucking fantastic, and his belly is soft and warm).

"You're such a sweet boy, Kylo," Hux assures him and kisses the top of his head. "You've done everything I've asked of you, and you've done it so well."

Kylo feels warm and settled, despite the snot and the pressure in his head.

"What do you need, sweetheart?" Hux asks gently.

Kylo has never been particularly good with words, even less so when it pertains to his desires. He wants a lot of things, but he doesn't know how to ask for them, let alone if Hux is willing to give them to him. Hux's hand is on the side of his face and it's so easy to turn his head; to mouth at his palm. Hux turns his hand into it, makes it easier for Kylo to reach. It spurs him on. Kylo lets his teeth graze the skin, traces the path with his tongue. Hux makes a soft sound. Kylo closes his eyes moments before he closes his lips around Hux's thumb. He drags his teeth across the joint; bites down gently before suckling. Hux doesn't stop him, doesn't pull away; so Kylo stays right where he is, with his head on Hux's tummy, Hux's thumb in his mouth.

Suddenly, Kylo calling him daddy makes a lot more sense. Hux smiles at the sleepy boy in his lap. Kylo is a baby boy. He should've put two and two together sooner. Hux hasn't been a daddy before; isn't sure he wants to be, but he wouldn't mind making a few changes. For Kylo.

With how tactile and affection seeking Kylo clearly is, Hux is surprised he didn't object sooner. Kylo hasn't expressed whether he likes what they do or not, so Hux figured he was one of those people who don't really have set kinks, but follow the lead of their partner. Kylo has gotten hard a few times, during their scenes, but Hux has never drawn attention to it, and Kylo hasn't pushed. Hux expected him to ask for it now, but Kylo just wanting affection was a welcome surprise. Hux isn't opposed to having sex with his subs, but the level of trust he requires for sex; he rarely has that with them. Most often, Hux touches himself to the thought of what they've done, when his sub is taken care of and safely on their way home.

"Kylo?" he asks softly. "Would you like to sleep for a bit? I can take you home later."

Kylo looks up at him through heavy lids. It takes a moment for the words to make sense. He nods sluggishly and lets Hux take the lead. Hux gets him on his feet and into the bedroom.

In Hux's bedroom, Kylo pauses. He hasn't seen it before. The bed is huge, the covers look heavy.

Hux guides him with a hand on his lower back, gets him up on the bed. Kylo is still in his jeans, but the sheets feel silky soft against the skin of his arms and chest. Hux gets in on the opposite side, gestures for Kylo to come close. Hux sits, while Kylo lies. Kylo wraps his arms around Hux's thigh, cuddles up to his leg, and nuzzles his face into his hip. He could easily sleep the rest of the night.

Hux picks up an e-reader from the bedside table, opens the cover. With one hand on the e-reader, the other finds its home in Kylo's hair.

He doesn't mean to fall asleep as fast as he does, wants to enjoy his time with Hux, but before he knows it, he's fast asleep.

  
  


He wakes up a few hours later to Hux tugging gently on his hair. it's a firm handful at the back of his head and Kylo moans brokenly, arching into the touch.

"Time to go home, darling."

"Do I have to?" Kylo whines.

"I'm afraid so, love. I have work in the morning."

"Fuck me before I leave?"

Hux chuckles and uses the grip on his hair to smoosh Kylo's face into the pillows. Kylo moans into the feathers, spine gone liquid and burning.

Hux pats him on the ass and gets out of bed. "Come along, darling, get your things."

Kylo rolls over and lies flat on his back for a moment. He takes a few deep breaths and tells his dick to calm down.

It doesn't work.

"Kylo!"

Kylo groans and gets out of bed. Hux is waiting for him at the door, holding Kylo's things.

They take the elevator down to the parking garage in the basement. Hux opens the door of a very, very nice looking car and holds it open for Kylo.

It's a beautiful car, but the only thing that crosses Kylo's mind is the fact that the backseat looks big enough to fuck in.

Hux takes him home. Drives him to the curb of his shitty little apartment. He doesn't want to go home. He wants to stay with Hux, in his big, soft bed.

As soon as Hux lets go of the handbrake, Kylo swoops in, leans across the center console and buries his face in Hux's neck.

"Kylo."

"Don't make me go. Please."

Hux sighs, attempts to untangle Kylo's fingers from his clothes. "We already made plans for next week. Be a good boy and do as I say."

"But Hux– "

"Behave."

Kylo sighs in defeat and reluctantly pulls away. he pulls on the door handle. "I'll call you?"

"If you'd like."

Kylo nods. "Alright."

"I had a really good time tonight," Hux says softly. "It was different, but I enjoyed it. Very much so."

Kylo can't handle any more tonight, so he kisses Hux's cheek and beats a hasty retreat; doesn't look back.

  
  


Their encounters don't change dramatically. Kylo still sits by Hux's feet, but subtly pushes the envelope (he's not being very subtle at all). He doesn't always kneel. Sometimes he sits on his butt instead, arms around his knees. It's more comfortable. Hux never complains, which is the main reason Kylo keeps doing it.

Everyone told him Hux was severe and didn't take lightly to disobedience, so why hasn't he told him off? Hux should be angry with him, so why isn't he? Doesn't even scold him when he gets hard, which he does. Kylo gets hard easily, so it's nothing out of the ordinary, but it's obvious. There's no way Hux doesn't notice. Kylo always wear his comfy jeans; they're thin and worn. Combined with his size, it's not exactly easy to hide it.

Getting off has crossed Kylo's mind. Just do it right in front of Hux.

But no, it wouldn't feel right.

If anyone were to get him off, it should be Hux. Hux has nice hands. they're often out of sight, but Kylo has seen them enough to know they're freckled across the back and scarred across the knuckles. They're also warm and soft. Gentle.

  
  


Kylo decides to purposely be an asshole. When they move to the living room, he sits on Hux's feet, with his back against Hux's shins. The spine of the book Hux is reading bumps against Kylo's scalp when he turns the pages, but he hasn't told Kylo to move, so Kylo's not going to.

He's hard. Again. Thinking about Hux's hands.

"Hux?"

"Mm?"

"Do you find me attractive?"

Hux ruffles his hair, scritches the back of his head, "I think you're a very handsome boy."

Kylo blushes.

"Ok, but– Would you fuck me?"

Hux makes a noncommittal sound, making Kylo slump in defeat. He pouts to himself. Then he feels hands on his shoulders. Slowly, the hands move down his chest and Hux looms over him.

"Why, darling? Do you need something? Attention, perhaps?"

Kylo doesn't know what to do. Hux hasn't touched his body before. Hux gropes his chest and Kylo squeaks in shock. Hux is touching him and he didn't even have to ask.

"Lean back, sweetheart, I want to see you."

Kylo follows blindly, arches his back, exposing his front as much as possible. Hux smiles softly and slides his hand upwards, cupping the front of his throat.

Kylo might die.

"You're such a needy boy, Kylo, but you never ask for anything. You're always so sweet for me; always do what I ask. I'm so proud of you."

Kylo surprises both of them by sobbing. It's just the once, but Hux stills, pulls back ever so slightly.

"This ok?"

Kylo nods, covers his mouth, then his eyes. There are tears in his eyes and all Hux had to do was touch him. how pathetic can you be?

"Do you need a time out?" Hux asks gently.

Kylo shakes his head, muffles, "No. Please."

Hux keeps his hand where it is, palm against his adam's apple. It bobs in time with Kylo swallowing his tears.

Painfully gentle, Hux brushes the hair away from Kylo's face, strokes the little crease between his eyebrows until it smoothes out. "You're being so good," he whispers.

Kylo needs to leave and never come back; move far away, change his name.

He's crying on Hux (again!) and he's somehow still hard.

Kylo is a pervert and a deviant and he needs to leave poor Hux alone. Hux did not sign up for any of Kylo's shit, and he needs to extricate himself. But he can't make himself get up. Hux is so kind and sweet and he's petting him and holding him and caring for him and and and –

"There you go, darling. Deep breaths. It's alright. You're alright."

Why is it so much easier to breathe with Hux's hands on his skin?

Hux had a feeling that this was the way tonight would turn out. Kylo didn't feel off, exactly, but he'd been tense when he arrived. Hux knows they aren't a good match in regards to kink, but he was hoping he'd have more time with Kylo. He's not ready to let go just yet.

It's not that Kylo doesn't seem to be happy with what they do, but there's an obvious desire for more. Kylo's touches always linger, always hungry for a little more.

Hux is heartbroken that he can't give his boy that. Kylo deserves to be with someone who can.

Pushing his own feelings aside, Hux does what he can to console him. Comforting others has never come natural, but he does what he can. He gathers Kylo in his arms and pulls him up onto the sofa. Kylo doesn't know what to do with his legs, so he has to help him; moves them for him. For such a large man, Kylo curls up incredibly small. He fits perfectly in Hux's lap, against his chest. Hux has never held a child in his arms, but he imagines this is what it must feel like; to have someone trust you so deeply, without having given them much reason to.

Long after Kylo is done crying, Hux still holds him. It was much easier to deprive himself when he didn't know what it felt like; what he was missing out on.

"I wish I could keep you," he whispers into Kylo's hair.

Kylo looks up. He frowns, but before he can ask what the fuck Hux is on about, Hux closes the distance between them and kisses him softly.

Kylo's lips are just as pillowy soft as they look. They part so beautifully, at the smallest provocation, and Hux allows himself a fleeting taste. Kylo makes the sweetest little whimpery moans. His mouth is lax and open for Hux to use as he pleases.

Tentatively, he touches Hux's neck, slides his fingers into his hair. Even styled, the strands are thick and soft. In any other instance, Hux would've told him off, but this isn't a scene anymore, is it? They're not dom and sub, but Hux and Kylo.

Kylo's heart is racing under his palm, where it's resting on his chest. Hux's own heart isn't any better. Out of breath, they break apart.

Kylo looks up at him, eyes wide. "I'd given up on this ever happening," he says breathlessly.

"On what happening, darling?" Hux asks, equally breathless, and drags his thumb across Kylo's bottom lip, catching a stray smear of saliva.

"You and me becoming ... becoming us."

Hux looks at him silently.

"I mean, they all said you didn't– You don't do that, but here we are and ... you know?"

"Kylo, I don't– I wish I could, but I'm not ... I'm not that kind of person."

"No," Kylo says. "No, don't say that. You don't get to say that– "

"It's not on you, I promise. I don't have the capacity to care for someone like that; I never have. please believe me, I– It wouldn't be fair to you," Hux says gently. "You should be with someone who's capable of loving you. and I'm sorry that that's not me. If I could," Hux has to clear his throat before he continues, "If I could have that with someone, I would want it to be you, but, baby, I– I can't. And I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry – you have to believe me."

Kylo reels. Is this ... Is this a break up? But Hux just called him baby! That's not how this is supposed to go!

Kylo arches up, wraps his arms tightly around Hux's neck.

"No."

"No?"

"No. You don't get to do this," it comes out muffled against Hux's collar. "You care for me, I know you do."

"I do! but that doesn't mean– It's not about that."

"You don't get to walk away from this. From me," Kylo says fiercely.

Excrutiating seconds later, Hux slumps in defeat. he lets Kylo cling to his heart's content.

"I can't be your partner, Kylo. I can't." The authority has completely drained out of Hux's voice. "I'm a selfish man; you'd only end up hurt. I have no regard for other people's wellbeing or needs. I won't let you resign yourself to that."

It doesn't add up. What Hux is saying; it goes against everything he's done with Kylo – _for_ Kylo. They're not his own words.

"Who told you that?" Kylo demands.

"Kylo, please."

"No! Did your ex tell you that?"

Hux makes a pinched face, "I don't have one."

That throws Kylo off kilter. Hux is what, thirty-five? And he doesn't have any exes? What the fuck.

"I– who, then? Who the fuck looked you straight in the face and told you you were selfish?"

Hux is clearly uncomfortable having this conversation; with Kylo on his lap, no less.

Hux shakes his head; averts his eyes. "I doesn't matter. I'm clearly going to be a bad partner, so I'd rather not be one at all." Every single thing Brendol has ever said, are rushing in his ears. This is why Hux doesn't have subs more than once, twice – thrice, at most.

He gets to be with someone, but briefly enough that he doesn't hurt them; for them not to realise Hux is a bad person. He know he's been pushing it with Kylo, but Kylo kept asking and he's been so sweet, Hux couldn't tell him no.

"I want it," Kylo says. "If it doesn't work out, that's on me. I'll take the full blame, but I want it, Hux. I want you. Please? let me show you that isn't true."

They won't get out of this unscathed, Hux knows that, but he's never wanted anything more.

He could have this.

Hux pulls Kylo close, needing the physical reassurance, and tucks his face into Kylo's neck. "Don't say I didn't warn you," he says quietly.

Kylo stiffens, convinced he didn't hear right. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying alright."

"Alright?"

"Alright."

"As in _alright, Kylo, I'm your boyfriend now, no take backs_?"

Hux snorts despite himself, "Something like that, yes."

Suddenly, Kylo is flurry of movements. Before he knows it, Kylo is straddling him and kissing his face.

"I'll make it so good for you, Hux, I promise. You'll never want anyone else. I'll be good, I'll be so good."

Hux eyes are burning. Kylo has only ever been good for him, he doesn't need to prove anything.

_Please, don't let me hurt him_, Hux begs silently, to whoever is listening.


End file.
